Lead with Love like Loretta

Championing Respect:

Standing Up Against Ageism in Sales

After a long day of making sales calls in two states, three cities, in six hours, I was short on patience. So, when a colleague made a derogatory ageism comment, I brazenly called him out and spoke with bravado to set him straight. I was the hero of the aged, fighting injustice and silencing the villain.

A few weeks later, I finished a ground-breaking book, titled “ Calling In,” by Loretta J. Ross, which changed my view of “calling out.” In her book, Loretta shares her personal and professional history of when she called people out, which resulted in severed relationships and tarnished reputations. After reflecting on these ruins, she crafted a better way. Now, she “calls them in.” Her words and ways of coming together with other people at work, at home, in the family, throughout the community, on social media utilize a more human approach. And one I hope we can all adopt.

We all work with, live with, and know of challenging people. Day after day after day. It’s what they say, how they say it, when, and where they speak. They sigh heavily, they stick their noses into our business, and their mere presence becomes so annoying and stressful that our arteries clog. And yet, it’s just who they are at their core. We can’t change that or them.

Yet, when there is a specific work or relationship issue to be addressed, calling out doesn’t get results like calling in does. Calling in comes from a place of love, grace, respect, and common ground.

When my children started working and struggling to do their job alongside some difficult people, I explained there will always be a “insert Name” wherever you work. And they can make our life miserable, if we let them.

The day after completing Loretta’s book, I had a national sales call, and a member of leadership announced a new name for our region, the GOATS, “greatest of all times.” Sure. Then he explained, a pack of goats is called a tribe. Hmmm, watch out. And he continued for another five minutes about us being his tribe, using the word multiple times. I know , this is not a cool word to use. To make sure I wasn’t overreacting, I looked it up. I was correct in its offense to indigenous people.

I do not have one cell of indigenous blood in my body, although I wish I did. I have always admired their culture of strength and bravery, environmental wisdom, the use of animal skins for clothes and footwear, storytelling, dance and ceremonial customs.

With my deep respect of indigenous people, coupled with assuming this leader meant no offense, I decided to call him in on the use of the word “tribe.”

I had a negative response when he used it on the call. I wanted to make sure my words and timing were chosen wisely to be received well. I knew not to say anything on the nationwide call with 600 employees.

Instead, I texted him after requesting a few moments of his time. I pondered the words and ways of Loretta and focused my intent on reaching out to him on a level of love and common ground whilst knowing his excellent character and maintaining my integrity.

This wasn’t easy for me; I have certainly called people out over the years and hurt people’s feelings and damaged lifelong relationships. I can be quick to judge and therefore say things I should not. Giving others the benefit and believing the best in them instead of assuming the worst does not come naturally to me, although I have been working to improve that character flaw in me over the last few decades. I am a work in progress, as we all are.

When he called me the next day I was driving and didn’t answer, because that is against our company policy. Once I found a safe place to park, I pulled into the parking lot to return the call and explained why I wasn’t available when he called. He appreciated and complimented me immediately on my integrity. That was a good start to our conversation.

When we spoke, I kept my approach respectful, calm, and focused on our mutual concern for the culture of our company. I mentioned the book I had just read and how it led me to contact him about something he said during the national town hall. I began with commenting on his well-known character and high standards. Then gently explained how the use of the word “tribe” can be offensive. I highlighted the company’s new program of “culture” and wanted to solidify the policy in real time and practicality and not just in words on a slide.

Once I finished, he paused. I held my breath. Then he said how much he appreciated me bringing this to his attention. He asked me my opinion of the new culture program and after offering my honest feedback, he said, “You gave me the chills. Because you are SPOT ON!” Oh, the relief. I felt good about what I said, and that I took the time to say it. Loretta’s book did that.