“Home Sweet Home”

Rediscovering Joy

On a cold December afternoon 10 years ago, one of my residents at the retirement village stopped me in the parking lot to say hello. I excitedly spoke about the upcoming holidays. He became somber and offered, “Not everyone looks forward to them.” I immediately questioned his Scrooge attitude with “What about the music, the lights, the trees, homemade cookies, the magic of Santa?” Then, this 6’ 4” 200-pound man with a well-known sense of humor, who lived happily in retirement after accruing an extensive career and traveling the world, began to weep.

He shared that his wife loved the holidays -- all the decorations, cooking, family time, everything I had listed, but this was the first one without her. And he was not living in the home where they raised their children, welcomed grandkids, great grandkids, and enjoyed every detail of ‘tis the season. He just couldn’t imagine Christmas without her and not in their beloved home.

My heart broke into pieces for him. I never considered that side of the holidays. I hadn’t lost a loved one at that time to empathize. My whole attitude toward the holidays changed that moment in the parking lot. Another resident confirmed after the death of her husband, “I just want them to be over.”

What Truly Matters

I wondered, what makes Christmas special and what if all that made it “the most wonderful time of the year” was gone. Could we still enjoy them? Is it possible to peel back the layers of Christmas and still find joy? 

After this epiphany, I asked my children what they enjoyed most about the holidays. It was partly to simplify the work of creating the perfect holiday and make sure I was on point with what mattered to them. I was happy to hear that it was my homemade meals and cookies, and not gifts. That was a relief since I deeply dislike shopping, crowds, and spending money I don’t have on things people don’t like.

I considered what I enjoyed about the holidays, and it was the music, baking cookies while watching a classic movie, the Christmas tree and lights, and most importantly being with my family. I also enjoy decorations, but not too many, the more I put up, more work to take down. I also believe people in general are friendlier, more courteous, and happier overall during the holidays. There is a sense of sparkle as everyone prepares for the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. 

The birth of Christ was the original purpose of the whole season. All Christian religions and many non-religious folks take one day out of the year to acknowledge God’s child being born on this earth to save our souls. It doesn’t get more unifying, special, and joyful than that. 

However, the celebration of Christmas has changed over the last few decades. A favorite tradition, when I was a child, was driving to the country to cut down a real pine tree. I loved walking through the farm, seeing a dog (I wasn’t allowed to have one growing up), drinking hot cocoa by an open fire, sensing the festive spirit, smelling evergreens, breathing in the crisp air, and almost always enjoying fresh snow on the ground. I kept that tradition with my children when they were young, until the tree allergies supplanted that fun. 

Also, when I was a child, we attended church on Christmas Eve. Afterward, we drove the quarter mile to my maternal grandmother’s house for a huge smorgasbord of meats, homemade noodles, warm rolls, beef sticks, cheeses, lady fingers, chocolates, and presents. She prepared the feast, and each grandchild had stacks of presents as high as we were tall. My grandparents’ fireplace was always lit, and the warm hearth was my favorite place to sit. My grandmother’s twin brothers stopped by to eat and visit, which was annoying because it lessened the cookie options and delayed opening presents. 

On Christmas day, my sister and I awoke to piles of gifts under the Christmas tree and then visited my dad’s family, stopping at various aunts and uncles’ homes. This wasn’t fun since all I wanted was to be home playing with my toys. But my father insisted on spending time with his siblings and their families too.

After I moved four hours away, my parents tried to keep the same traditions, but being married and having a family of my own made that impossible. I read an article once if you take your children back to your childhood home every holiday, then they won’t have any memories in their own home. It was then that I created our own traditions. 

I made sure to combine all the best parts of the holidays, replicating the perfect Norman Rockwell painting. I kept this up until that day in the parking lot with my resident. 

Is it possible to enjoy the holidays without our loved ones and without the traditions that we consider the best of Christmas? I can’t imagine the day when my family is no longer with me, or when I can’t bake and ice dozens of sugar cookies, or put up a tree, or drink our special Christmas drink of hot cocoa and candy canes by its light, or when the music stops. Where will my Christmas joy come from? 

I also met a few residents who lived in a room the size of a walk-in closet, without any family or friends to celebrate with, no home-cooked meal, decorations, festive music, or freshly baked gingerbread people, and yet they had joy. Everyday joy, not just December 25th joy. How could this be?

After taking the time to get to know them, I learned it was their faith in God that made it possible to live in a 200-square foot space with joy, peace on earth and goodwill toward others, when they had nary a crumb or candle. I finally understood “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.”

I am not saying everyone who doesn’t enjoy the holidays are those who lack faith. It’s more about knowing the source of joy and living each moment filled with the reason for the season. Welcome, baby Jesus! May we show grace to those experiencing the holidays without their loved ones, in nursing facilities, facing hardship, illness, terminal diagnosis, or feeling alone. May the peace and comfort of Christ be with them, you, your loved ones, and everyone this holiday season.